Today I realized that one by one we grow. It came to me conceptually as a Tetris like stairway. It clicked. I could see myself exploding through old tissue and donning some new. I could do the minimum, what I am used to and what I can manage, or I could put forth one more. Something inside of me is not willing to give that extra effort to grow, now. Now, that extra leap seems so intimidating and exhausting. So I ask myself, Run that extra sprint and study for one more 30 minute block. Each step you take, one by one will bring you closer and closer to your own self-satisfaction. Yet we can never truly reach anything, can we. It’s always half a step away, scientifically. Whooo, life hypothetically goes on forever!
Here I go throwing myself at God’s metaphorical footrest, the Holiest of Lands, just to figure out if I really float.
I am naive and ignorant of many things.
Regardless of what I will learn in Israel and the rest of my life, I must always be curious to learn more. To me, curiosity is purity and that is something that becomes “lost” as we age for various social reasons. I think that maybe humans become so restless being trapped in a mortal body that their internal confusion expands to include the outer world too, infecting everyone with confusion they cannot fight because it is not their own.
I would really like to tell the bipedal mammals of this world that we are not story books as memories fade and we cannot turn to the last page and read the last sentence. We are mirrors showing people constantly how we think by reflecting their energies back to them as they speak as individuals and as we speak as groups. We are fragile like glass. We are chipped marble. Easily cracked and in need of special help to be fixed. The right kind of help, the kind we can accept in our present place and time from the one we will accept.
I wish I could say I was not confused and that what I am typing stands with sense. I wish I could say I was conflict free within my shell, but I am not. My insides spin with metaphorical hunger that I cannot satiate. I crave love, renown, and ease. But, all of these are are at war in that love is often equated with sex, renown is hard to come by without being over zealous, and ease, well nothing comes with ease, it comes with study and practice.
I am feeling blank about Israel. I have no idea what to expect and the fear and excitement balance each other out rather plainly. I have heard that the air there breathes differently than anywhere else in the world and I must be in good taste to inhale. I have heard that behaviors are regarded with more integrity there, and that God could leave the Land if he feels it is mistreated, or the people of the Land mistreat one another or are poor unto themselves.
Conscience, you shall be good to yourself. You shall be tough on yourself without smothering yourself. You shall bow to who is wiser than you, and you shall not, by any means, attempt to prove yourself in intellect until you have spoken to your unconscious brother, and you both agree that I am correct. Be smart. Be careful. Be Kind.
Now if God truly does reside in a throne room in Heavenly Jerusalem, I am very excited to speak with her.