My dogs get scared of the rain. They always have gotten scared of even the slightest drizzle. They hack and wheeze in all their stress and it ends up giving me stress because they start to follow me around the house in passive fear .
I feel like I am kind of doing this to my mom now. It is funny and at the same time very unsettling. I am following her like a little pup just terrified to fly over over the ocean; or, more specifically, to taxi from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. I know I am going to be fine. It will all work out great, however anxiety is obsessive about its work.
It churns in my gut and in my mind just taking good feelings and skinning them. It’s a constant struggle to keep my mind fully fleshed. Believe me, I tell my own self to get over it. I tell my mind what my psychiatrist said, that these panics and fears are “not real”. They never will come about precisely how I think they will and most certainly more often turn out better.
I find myself uttering hateful words about my successes and teasing sneers about my failures. Makes me wonder how many other people are struggling with their own inner voices. Probably everyone so why does no one shut up and listen? Well I am sure several people do but not many including myself act upon their silence and meditation.
We need to find a way as an international society to respect the silence of ourselves and thus the silence of everyone else so that the world may settle down. It needs our help simply because we tied the knot, and so we must know how to undue it. Or did God tie the knot, quietly?
We can untie it, regardless.